When Your Dad Has a Heart Attack

This Week’s Signal

Last Monday night, my fly-fishing-obsessed, sailing-loving dad (“Cap” to my three kids) had a heart attack. He’s fine now, and if the stars align, hopefully for the next 25 years, but the experience rattled us.

What struck me most wasn’t just the quadruple bypass or the four-day recovery miracle (okay, fine, those stood out too). It was the sheer overwhelm of the early moments: the fear, the constant decisions, the scramble to keep everyone informed, and the weight of being the one steady voice when you don’t feel steady at all.

In the blur of beeping machines, late night hallway consults, and endless texts from worried family and friends, I realized how much falls on those closest to you to hold it all together when someone you treasure is flat on their back in a hospital bed.

What We’re Missing

I became the note-taker, the translator, and the group-text command center, all while trying to steady my own nerves. The load was enormous: making sense of medical jargon, advocating for my dad, and keeping the rest of the family in the loop in real time.

We were lucky, it was an acute crisis with a good outcome. But what happens when the crisis doesn’t end in a week? When the midnight consults, the endless logistics, and the emotional labor stretch on for months or years?

That’s the reality for many families, and the truth is that women bear the brunt of it. According to the National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC) and AARP, 61% of family caregivers in the U.S. are women, and women spend about 50% more time providing care than men. Most are also working and raising kids at the same time.

Welcome to the sandwich generation, where holding everything together isn’t just an act of love, it is unpaid, invisible work layered on top of everything else.

What We’re Seeing

Yes, I wish those stats were more balanced between women and men. Let’s keep being loud about it so the burden doesn’t always land on us. At the same time, our empathy and instinct to care are what make us so good at holding it all together. And the good news is, we don’t have to do it alone.

Here’s what I wish I’d known: you don’t have to white-knuckle your way through these moments. There are tools, born from the lived experiences of other families, that can make it all feel less impossible. I didn’t have them on day one, but you can.

• Medical records, because no one should have to recall every detail mid-crisis (and you don’t have to side-eye your sick dad when he gets something wrong):

  • OneRecord – Consolidates and shares your full health history across providers.

  • DrOwl – Aggregates records and uses AI to decode jargon and flag errors.

• Recording conversations with your care team (with permission, of course, HIPAA is always watching):

  • Medcorder – Captures and transcribes doctor visits, sharable with family.

  • The Medical Memory – HIPAA-compliant video/audio platform for visits and discharge instructions.

• Sharing updates without sending 10,000 texts a day (your thumbs will thank you):

  • CaringBridge – Private, trusted hub for posting health updates to your circle.

  • WhatsApp – Familiar, encrypted group chat for notes, photos, and voice memos.

These aren’t silver bullets, but they are practical, proven, and designed to ease the caregiving burden just enough that you can focus more on being present and less on being the human filing cabinet.

What It Means

Our providers were incredible, but in today’s system, the burden of stitching it all together still falls on families. And when we say “families,” let’s be honest, it usually means women.

The system may not change anytime soon, but we can equip ourselves with tools that make caregiving less chaotic, more coordinated, and maybe even a little more humane.

And here’s to 25 more years of my dad, Jack Sharp, chasing trout, chasing horizons, and proving that even a quadruple bypass can just be another detour on the way to the river or the boat 🎣⛵

With more signal and less noise, Spotting is your weekly lens on what’s next in women’s health and why. See you right here next time, in your inbox.

With hugs, science & freedom,
Abby

P.S. Whether this hits or misses for you, I’d love to hear your thoughts — just hit reply. Thanks for being here 🤗

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