What Boys Don’t Learn About Girls

This Week’s Signal

From the Gates Foundation’s $2.5B commitment to R&D to breast milk-flavored ice cream (yes, really), this week had no shortage of women’s health headlines. But what I can’t stop thinking about is The Pitt on Netflix.

If you’ve seen it, you know it’s peak medical mayhem: med students getting steamrolled, doctors dropping tubes down windpipes like it’s nothing (???), and yes, Noah Wyle is back — and we’re not mad about it.

But one line in the final episode has been living rent-free in my brain for weeks:

Spoken to a teenage boy caught with a disturbing list of girls' names, the line sparked conversations about fear and gender dynamics. But to me, it pointed to a harder truth buried in the chaos of a fictional ER:

Control, coercion, even violence — they often start where empathy ends.

And empathy ends where understanding never begins.

Nearly half of U.S. boys never receive comprehensive sex ed, leaving them without the tools to grasp how women move through the world.

What We’re Missing

After speaking at SXSW in 2024 on how broken sex ed is in America, I’ve been stuck on this: How can we expect people to support, believe, or even understand women’s health needs if we don’t start with the basics?

Here’s what the data says:

• Only 30 states + D.C. mandate sex education.

• Only 18 require it to be medically accurate.

• Just 9 states (plus D.C.) require teaching consent.

• Nearly half of U.S. adolescents don’t receive even the most basic sex ed.

Meanwhile, “comprehensive” is still a stretch. Many programs skipping over contraception, healthy relationships, LGBTQ+ inclusion, and body literacy altogether.

What We’re Seeing

These states (+ D.C.) are doing it right:

California, Colorado, Delaware, Illinois, Maryland, New Jersey, Oregon, South Carolina, and Washington, D.C.

What’s notable? They aren’t all blue. These states span the political spectrum — proof that teaching consent isn’t a partisan issue, but a foundational one.

California led the way, mandating affirmative consent in 2015. Others followed in the wake of #MeToo and a growing recognition that respect, autonomy, and communication need to start early, especially if we want better outcomes for women in healthcare, policy, and everyday life.

Are we still having these conversations in 2025? Honestly, I’m not sure where we are right now, or where we’ll be a year from now. But in the long run, the tide tends to turn toward empathy, equity, and education. That gives me hope.

What It Means

Teaching consent isn’t just about preventing assault. It’s the foundation of a more respectful, informed, and equitable world, and one where women’s experiences aren’t dismissed, but understood.

Comprehensive sex ed teaches more than mechanics. It teaches humanity. It covers consent, anatomy, puberty, body literacy, contraception, communication, and respect. It helps us understand how women’s bodies work, what they endure, and how they navigate the world.

And when we understand more, we empathize more. When we empathize more, we harm less.

Utah offers a cautionary tale: a state with abstinence-only sex ed and one of the highest sexual assault rates in the country — 1 in 3 women, compared to the national average of 1 in 5. When we fail to educate, we fail to protect.

If we want a future with better outcomes in women’s health, policy, and relationships — a future where women are heard, believed, and cared for — it has to start with education.

Not just about sex.

But about each other.

With more signal and less noise, Spotting is your weekly lens on what’s next in women’s health and why. See you right here next time, in your inbox.

With hugs, science & freedom,
Abby

P.S. Whether this hits or misses for you, I’d love to hear your thoughts — just hit reply. Thanks for being here 🤗

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